I am not sure who wrote this and apparently it has been circulating since Reagan was running for president. But I do love it and thought I would share. Enjoy!
--- This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the US department of energy. I then took a shower in the clean water provided by the municipal water utility. After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC regulated channels to see what the National Weather Service of the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration determined the weather was going to be like, using satellites designed, built, and launched by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. I watched this while eating my breakfast of US Department of Agriculture inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the Food and Drug Administration.
At the appropriate time as regulated by the US Congress and kept accurate by the National Institute of Standards and Technology and the US Naval Observatory, I get into my National Highway Traffic Safety Administration approved automobile and set out to work on the roads build by the local, state, and federal departments of transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the Environmental Protection Agency, using legal tender issed by the Federal Reserve Bank. On the way out the door I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the US Postal Service and drop the kids off at the public school.
After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the Department of Labor and the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, enjoying another two meals which again do not kill me because of the USDA, I drive my NHTSA car back home on the DOT roads, to ny house which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and fire marshal’s inspection, and which has not been plundered of all it’s valuables thanks to the local police department.
I then log on to the internet which was developed by the defense advanced research projects administration and post on freerepublic and Fox news forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can’t do anything right.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Make sure you add the part about W walking on water.
Recently a friend of mine called a website to my attention. It was about the Conservative Bible Project. It is about the most ridiculous thing I had ever seen. This is the entire website: http://ow.ly/t1yr
What follows is a part of the article and in parentheses are my own snarky comments.
As of 2009, there is no fully conservative translation of the Bible which satisfies the following ten guidelines:[2]
1. Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias (because "liberal bias" is in everything to the extreme conservative mind.)
2. Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity (because only men are Christians. Mary, Mary Magdalene were horrible people, therefore women should not be included in the message of Jesus Christ.)
3. Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level[3] (God forbid some redneck or black man ever read the message of God.)
4. Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms as they develop;[4] defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words which have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle". (Because only the right can truly translate ancient Greek and Aramaic.)
5. Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as "gamble" rather than "cast lots";[5] using modern political terms, such as "register" rather than "enroll" for the census (and this really matters?)
6. Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil. (My liberal NIV has just as much mention of hell & the devil as the ol' KJV)
7. Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning (the Bible is a book of life. For the economy check out something written by Ben Stein. Jesus was a carpenter, not an economists.)
8. Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story (while we are being inclusive, try the book of Mary or the Gnostic Gospels.)
9. Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels (Open Mindedness suggests liberalism. . . you might want to rethink this.)
10. Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities; prefer concise, consistent use of the word "Lord" rather than "Jehovah" or "Yahweh" or "Lord God." (Jesus quote here: "I am." It doesn't matter if you call him Roger the Hairy Muskrat. . . God Is. You are really splitting hairs here.)
{That's it, I am done. . . for now.}
What follows is a part of the article and in parentheses are my own snarky comments.
As of 2009, there is no fully conservative translation of the Bible which satisfies the following ten guidelines:[2]
1. Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias (because "liberal bias" is in everything to the extreme conservative mind.)
2. Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity (because only men are Christians. Mary, Mary Magdalene were horrible people, therefore women should not be included in the message of Jesus Christ.)
3. Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level[3] (God forbid some redneck or black man ever read the message of God.)
4. Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms as they develop;[4] defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words which have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle". (Because only the right can truly translate ancient Greek and Aramaic.)
5. Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as "gamble" rather than "cast lots";[5] using modern political terms, such as "register" rather than "enroll" for the census (and this really matters?)
6. Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil. (My liberal NIV has just as much mention of hell & the devil as the ol' KJV)
7. Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning (the Bible is a book of life. For the economy check out something written by Ben Stein. Jesus was a carpenter, not an economists.)
8. Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story (while we are being inclusive, try the book of Mary or the Gnostic Gospels.)
9. Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels (Open Mindedness suggests liberalism. . . you might want to rethink this.)
10. Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities; prefer concise, consistent use of the word "Lord" rather than "Jehovah" or "Yahweh" or "Lord God." (Jesus quote here: "I am." It doesn't matter if you call him Roger the Hairy Muskrat. . . God Is. You are really splitting hairs here.)
{That's it, I am done. . . for now.}
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