I shall start to explain. Mary Lynn Wilson taught me Spanish in high school. I was on the Spanish scholars' bowl team. And I lived in New Mexico for about 4 years. My Spanish still sucks, but I can get in a word or two on occasion. And I have MLW ,and the clerks at my local 7/11 in Albuquerque to thank for that.
If you have been reading my blog you will know of what I am speaking. I work at a store that sells catalog returns. The story goes as such:
Little Central American woman buys weed-trimmer Saturday, returns it Thursday claiming "No trabaja." It does so "trabaja," but I can't explain that. My boss calls me to the front of the store to help, and I try. I try to explain, "Todas la ventas finales." But we do have a 7 day policy on plug-in/battery thingys. I tell her she has $24.50 to spend in the store. She searches forever to find something of the same price. After "puedo conseguir esto" after "puedo conseguir esto" and "no" as the answer, I finally am able (a buck I will gladly pay) to say "Si, eso es bueno." La Mujer leaves with a cute little teapot and I have a weed-eater that is not broken and can sell again. And she has a $100 teapot for near nothing. I need to see MLW again to make me fluent.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
The Retail Diaries
Editor's Note: While there is no explicit language herein, there are allusions to the like, please read at your will.
Okay don't expect some laugh-a-minute David Sedaris opus here, but here goes:
In my early years on the workforce I was in essence a lifeguard/safety teacher/pool operator/whatever the hell else you may need guy. In retrospect, no matter what I may have said, I have indeed done some retail work outside of selling the public on watching my newscasts. My mom owned a dress store. I worked there some but never touched the register or cash register machine thing. It scared me. I folded clothes at an awesome place called Mookie's. My brother-in-law owned it and aside from the cool name it had the best clothes (Levi, Ruff Hewn, Snowshoe Thompson, Columbia.) And I even did a brief stint as a car stereo salesman (mostly I just kept the place as anally retentively neat as I could.)
So now, after several years in the television news world, I am back in retail. I am working for a man kind enough to give me a job in this economy. But this has been an unusual experience in selling goods.
I have had a plethora of experiences with "the public" in news. Such as answering the phone to callers wondering why the color is off on their TV and if I can come fix it. As we say in Central Alabama, "Godluvem." I also had the constant calls involving the antics of our traffic "reporter." And always the pleas for help beginning with "Y'all need to do a story on. . . (insert sad/mad/tragic/drunken/very drunken story here.**)" But until I rediscovered retail in this incarnation, I never knew the whole of it.
I work for a store that does catalog return sales. The stuff that people order from stores and they send back goes there. Some is broken, some was just the wrong color, other is missing something, some is overstock, and still some is just inventory from closed stores. We repair what we can and toss the rest. I hear owners of such a company get stock at what is called "dime to the dollar" AKA 10% of retail. The store to which I am currently employed sells most goods at 50% off, some even 75% off. This sounds like a great profit, but the overhead can be a killer. In the end, the shopper gets a great deal and the owner gets a little profit, and I get a paycheck.
I believe all of the store policies are very fair. No refunds (except we do allow a 7 day policy on all anything that had a battery or AC plug, toys and air conditioners excluded, otherwise we can give an exchange or store credit) everything else is as is, no returns, no refunds, all sales final. We have this posted in two languages all over the store (thanks to my Guatamalan friend who taught me a lesson in grammar.) Also posted in big red letters are our hours Mon & Tue 10am-5pm, Thur-Sat 10am-5pm, Closed Wed & Sun.
I told part of this story to a friend of mine, the aforementioned Mookie's owner, he responded with this (abbreviated) 'I never faulted a shopper for not reading signs after being at Wal-Mart and telling an employee the cap I wanted to buy did not have a price. He and I returned only see a huge sign reading: All Caps $3.99.' I will give them the inablity to read signs.
On the lack of reading ability, again I hold them not to any fault. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen people tugging on the door, "Y'all open?" I think "read the f'ing sign." Also when someone brings something to return because it has a dent. Hello?! Folks even the name of the store says we have catalog returns. . . don't expect perfection. That's why all items are 50% or more off retail. You are getting a bargain, a deal, a steal, the sale of the f'ing century.
I, as are all employees, honest about what we sell. These are catalog returns/overstock/demo models. Which I do not know for sure which in most cases. We check out everything as in plug-in (anything needed 110 volts AC and add batteries to things needing DC power.) (although batteries are not included.) And I remind customers of the 7 day policy and honestly tell them why we do it. Same goes with furniture. Most folks ask: "It's 75% off. What's wrong with it?" Yes it is 75% off, and "Let's see. looks like a little ding here." (or in most cases nothing, because the owner is a talented craftsman and can fix darn near anything.) I help the customer find the imperfection if there is one. Most understand and find a way to make it better or hide it or just don't care. It is a deal, et al. But the select few try to bargain. "It's got-uh little cut here, is $99 the lowest you can go?" My instinct wants to say, "This is a $400 table with a scratch, and you want to know if this is as low as I can go?! This ain't a yard sale. You are getting more than you deserve already!" But, I gently remind them of the generous discount and tell them that scratch is worth $300 and this is the lowest price they will find almost anywhere (save a yard sale, but probably not even there.)
I have to keep telling myself this is not a rant. More and more of the customers are very gracious. It is the few that make them all look bad. Like the fellow, who asked me "Do ya' Jew?" I wanted so bad to lie and say "Why, yes. I Jew every Sabbath at Synagogue. Shalom to you too f'face." But I took the high road, "I am sorry sir, I am not familiar with that term. I am United Methodist, not Jewish." And for the record, "the blacks," and "them Mexicins" are not our more frequent customers. It is the white meth-head redneck. They will buy anything cheap, even if it is a belt sanding pad you don't even have the belt sander it uses. Any good Guatamalan/Mexican/African American has yet to do anything so moronic. I am not demonizing white folks, hell, I'm one. Just in a place dominated by whites, more of them are bound to be stupid. Get a statistics book and read, you'll find this is true.
I do understand that the Hispanic community in the area can't read as so much as the "white folks." I struggle through my high school Spanish to explain "no refunds" often. That is for another time and another blog.
Bottom line: If you won't by retail, gamble on returns/overstock etc. But where I work the odds are in your favor.
NO RETURNS, NO REFUNDS, ALL ITEMS AS IS (save the aforementioned items)
*If you are reading this you are not a fool and you should come see me and let me sell you something.
Okay don't expect some laugh-a-minute David Sedaris opus here, but here goes:
In my early years on the workforce I was in essence a lifeguard/safety teacher/pool operator/whatever the hell else you may need guy. In retrospect, no matter what I may have said, I have indeed done some retail work outside of selling the public on watching my newscasts. My mom owned a dress store. I worked there some but never touched the register or cash register machine thing. It scared me. I folded clothes at an awesome place called Mookie's. My brother-in-law owned it and aside from the cool name it had the best clothes (Levi, Ruff Hewn, Snowshoe Thompson, Columbia.) And I even did a brief stint as a car stereo salesman (mostly I just kept the place as anally retentively neat as I could.)
So now, after several years in the television news world, I am back in retail. I am working for a man kind enough to give me a job in this economy. But this has been an unusual experience in selling goods.
I have had a plethora of experiences with "the public" in news. Such as answering the phone to callers wondering why the color is off on their TV and if I can come fix it. As we say in Central Alabama, "Godluvem." I also had the constant calls involving the antics of our traffic "reporter." And always the pleas for help beginning with "Y'all need to do a story on. . . (insert sad/mad/tragic/drunken/very drunken story here.**)" But until I rediscovered retail in this incarnation, I never knew the whole of it.
I work for a store that does catalog return sales. The stuff that people order from stores and they send back goes there. Some is broken, some was just the wrong color, other is missing something, some is overstock, and still some is just inventory from closed stores. We repair what we can and toss the rest. I hear owners of such a company get stock at what is called "dime to the dollar" AKA 10% of retail. The store to which I am currently employed sells most goods at 50% off, some even 75% off. This sounds like a great profit, but the overhead can be a killer. In the end, the shopper gets a great deal and the owner gets a little profit, and I get a paycheck.
I believe all of the store policies are very fair. No refunds (except we do allow a 7 day policy on all anything that had a battery or AC plug, toys and air conditioners excluded, otherwise we can give an exchange or store credit) everything else is as is, no returns, no refunds, all sales final. We have this posted in two languages all over the store (thanks to my Guatamalan friend who taught me a lesson in grammar.) Also posted in big red letters are our hours Mon & Tue 10am-5pm, Thur-Sat 10am-5pm, Closed Wed & Sun.
I told part of this story to a friend of mine, the aforementioned Mookie's owner, he responded with this (abbreviated) 'I never faulted a shopper for not reading signs after being at Wal-Mart and telling an employee the cap I wanted to buy did not have a price. He and I returned only see a huge sign reading: All Caps $3.99.' I will give them the inablity to read signs.
On the lack of reading ability, again I hold them not to any fault. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen people tugging on the door, "Y'all open?" I think "read the f'ing sign." Also when someone brings something to return because it has a dent. Hello?! Folks even the name of the store says we have catalog returns. . . don't expect perfection. That's why all items are 50% or more off retail. You are getting a bargain, a deal, a steal, the sale of the f'ing century.
I, as are all employees, honest about what we sell. These are catalog returns/overstock/demo models. Which I do not know for sure which in most cases. We check out everything as in plug-in (anything needed 110 volts AC and add batteries to things needing DC power.) (although batteries are not included.) And I remind customers of the 7 day policy and honestly tell them why we do it. Same goes with furniture. Most folks ask: "It's 75% off. What's wrong with it?" Yes it is 75% off, and "Let's see. looks like a little ding here." (or in most cases nothing, because the owner is a talented craftsman and can fix darn near anything.) I help the customer find the imperfection if there is one. Most understand and find a way to make it better or hide it or just don't care. It is a deal, et al. But the select few try to bargain. "It's got-uh little cut here, is $99 the lowest you can go?" My instinct wants to say, "This is a $400 table with a scratch, and you want to know if this is as low as I can go?! This ain't a yard sale. You are getting more than you deserve already!" But, I gently remind them of the generous discount and tell them that scratch is worth $300 and this is the lowest price they will find almost anywhere (save a yard sale, but probably not even there.)
I have to keep telling myself this is not a rant. More and more of the customers are very gracious. It is the few that make them all look bad. Like the fellow, who asked me "Do ya' Jew?" I wanted so bad to lie and say "Why, yes. I Jew every Sabbath at Synagogue. Shalom to you too f'face." But I took the high road, "I am sorry sir, I am not familiar with that term. I am United Methodist, not Jewish." And for the record, "the blacks," and "them Mexicins" are not our more frequent customers. It is the white meth-head redneck. They will buy anything cheap, even if it is a belt sanding pad you don't even have the belt sander it uses. Any good Guatamalan/Mexican/African American has yet to do anything so moronic. I am not demonizing white folks, hell, I'm one. Just in a place dominated by whites, more of them are bound to be stupid. Get a statistics book and read, you'll find this is true.
I do understand that the Hispanic community in the area can't read as so much as the "white folks." I struggle through my high school Spanish to explain "no refunds" often. That is for another time and another blog.
Bottom line: If you won't by retail, gamble on returns/overstock etc. But where I work the odds are in your favor.
NO RETURNS, NO REFUNDS, ALL ITEMS AS IS (save the aforementioned items)
*If you are reading this you are not a fool and you should come see me and let me sell you something.
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